What Happened?

The May 29^th Blog talked about how at the age of 49 I made a conscious decision to reframe my thinking, the year was 2001. 

Here’s some background on what happened.

I was licensed as a real estate agent in 1986 became an Associate Real Estate Broker by 1989 and by 1991 I was a designated broker with my own company and agents that counted on me to lead well.  I did not lead well so by the year 1996 the company closed and I found myself asking, “What’s wrong with me?”  I had desire and I was driven to succeed.

So what was wrong?

The discovery:  I had stinkin’ thinkin’. 

The truth:  Life did not owe me. 

I love what James Allen said in As a Man Thinketh:

“A man's mind may be likened to a garden, which may be intelligently cultivated or allowed to run wild; but whether cultivated or neglected, it must, and will, bring forth. If no useful seeds are put into it, then an abundance of useless weed seeds will fall therein, and will continue to produce their kind.”

I am the responsible party, no one else.  When I am positive, proactive and progressive in my personal growth it is reflected in the impact of my life. 

The choice is mine, no one else’s.

Passion

John Foltz spoke at the June SEVRAR Affiliate meeting and I was there.  For years I’ve heard people speak of Mr. Folz however this was my first opportunity to actually hear and meet him.   

In my opinion, he is a professional and a person of high personal integrity.

John’s message was simple:

·        What are you passionate about?

·         Why are you here?

·         How will you be remembered?

He talked about a Jim Collins’ theme “tap into your passion”.

 As Affiliates we’re in the homeownership business, just like Realtors.  Mr. Foltz said, and I agree, it is a proud industry to be associated with.  Homeownership in America is generally the largest financial investment most families make.  Families trust the professionals in this industry with their money and the future of their family. 

Home is where families live; raise children and leave legacies.  John was passionate about this fact. We really need to understand the trust families have in all of us. 

Then a few days later in my “quiet time” habit, I read about another passionate man, King Hezekiah, 2 Chronicles 32: 1-23. 

Here’s the short story:

Jerusalem was in trouble, they knew it.  The Assyrians were invading and wiping out everything that stood in their way, nothing remained.  The king was SMART (yes I used the acronym).  He fortified the city, built a second wall, armed the people, and even dug a 6’ high tunnel approximately 1/3 of a mile long to bring fresh water into Jerusalem.  He communicated, “be strong and courageous”.  Judah won, the Assyrians left defeated and Jerusalem survived the day.

Hezekiah’s story took me back to John Folz’s message:

What really matters?  Am I energetic?   Do I live out my passion?

John said much to his wife’s dismay; he writes his passion on the bathroom mirror. He sees it every morning.  He lives it out; it is obvious when you meet him.

I personally thanked John for his time, and he presented me with an opportunity.  Read: “Go-Givers” authored by Bob Burg.  I understand it is a story all about Joe, a salesman striving for success. Joe is ambitious, however lately it seems like nothing works.  So he seeks a mentor.  The book is now on my short list!

John Foltz and King Hezekiah could be passionate about themselves; however neither was or is.

Summer Breaks

Summer breaks - wow they are a lot of fun!

Historically summer is a time to slow down.  There are pool parties, trips to the beach, and families get together.  We simply relax.

Recently I found an old Eddie Cantor quote and I love it:

“Slow down and enjoy life. It's not only the scenery you miss by going too fast - you also miss the sense of where you are going and why.”

You know me, I had to look at the history behind the man who said this.  Here’s just a part of what I learned:

Eddie was born early in the year 1892 (no one knows the exact date).  At the age of three he lost both parents and he was raised by his grandparents.  He grew up in New York. Between 1931-1951 he was a huge radio star.

At the outbreak of World War II, Cantor (like many other stars) supported and entertained our troops all over the world. 

Plus, he worked tirelessly with President Roosevelt and created The March of Dimes. 

I would challenge you to really consider his words.  “Slow down and enjoy life…where are you going and why.”

What are your summer opportunities? 

• Do you have the ability to “pay it forward”?
• Could you offer a break to a Mom and/or a Dad?
• Would you be available to pick up groceries for someone who suffers in the heat?
• How about keeping cold water available for others at your office?

Yes, I would say enjoy summer and effect your world.

Eddie looked for opportunities.  He ran in a lot of arenas, he had great impact, and his mindset bettered generations of people all over the world.

I know from reading Eddie’s biography, life was not easy.  He had a family.  He and his wife lost a daughter in 1959 and his wife died in 1962.  It was said these two events were devastating for Eddie.

Yet Eddie lived another two years dying on October 10, 1964; I was twelve years old at the time. I remember Eddie's humor and I can still see his face.

So I would say, yes take a break this summer, slow down, enjoy life, have fun with your children and grandchildren, also consider  your opportunities. What can you do to better your world and make lasting impressions on others. What can you do to be an Eddie Cantor?

Do You Use Lists?

When our children were growing up, Saturday mornings were a family affair.  After a biscuit and gravy breakfast (to this day a family favorite) the five of us would sit around the kitchen table and develop a list of family chores.  (Yes, we were lucky everyone was home Saturday morning.)

Collectively we considered all the weekly household needs: dusting, vacuuming, laundry, cleaning the kitchen, bathroom (we only had one) and yard work.

Everyone participated, regardless of age. Everyone worked at our house.

Our 3 kids knew this was our family habit, therefore do not ask to go anywhere until the house was clean and the chores were done.  It was a wonderful yet often stressful morning.

To this day I believe our Saturday morning ritual facilitated family growth, for both the individual and the collective.  It taught us to work together in order to achieve common goals, while enabling us to understand the diversity of the individual. 

Over time, Cory’s project became the bathroom, where he would spend an hour cleaning.  I have never known anyone else who could clean a bathroom like Cory.  Karen generally dusted, and I believe I purchased a can of Pledge a week, just to keep her supplied.  Kevin, our eldest son, elected to vacuum  and I could count on a spotless carpet every weekend.  It is so much fun to be the first one to step on a freshly vacuumed  floor.   I was responsible for the kitchen and Ken the yard.

When you finished your chore, you helped someone else finish their chore until the entire project was complete.

Parents often ask Ken and I where we learned this.  Ken is an “ole farm boy”. We thought  it simply made sense.  A phrase we often used , “You eat don’t you!”  We all lived in the house; so we were all responsible for how it looked .

Years later I would learn about Stephen Covey and his book “7 Habits of Highly Effective People”.  Business leaders, authors and teachers have spun off his historical work.  His principals work.

Unlike the game Jenga where you start with a stack of ordered blocks then attempt to see how haphazardly you can stack them so the blocks fall on your opponent before they fall on you, Mr. Covey teaches systemically approaching life.

This is what we taught our children.

By building a list of  the what needs to be accomplished, who is personally responsible, by when, and what’s the reward, we are able to influence generations of lives.

While writing this I recalled a phone conversation our grandson, Tyler and I had several years ago.   I asked, “So, Tyler what are you doing?”  His response, “I’m putting soda in the refrigerator, it’s my job.”  WOW 6 years old and he had a job!

Lists help us to accomplish tasks, tasks teach responsibility, and responsibility  will help  to develop pride in the  job.

To this day, Ken and I use lists.  Saturday morning after breakfast, we consider the weekend needs.  We’ve  learned that consideration of the other person adds to our love and respect for one another.  In fact the idea for today’s post came from Ken.  Oh how I love my husband.

Think about life - do you use lists?  Lists  help accomplish tasks, hold you accountable, responsible and help individuals,  families, a work team, your  community, or even the whole world grow.

Freedom to Change

For those of you who have been reading this post for a while, you’re aware that at the age of 49 I purposefully reframed my thinking.  I will be 62 in August.  Do the math - that is 13 years! 

A huge part of that “reframing” was based on “brutal facts”, an idea I learned in the Jim Collins book, “Good to Great”.

Jim says to look at the “brutal facts” not pipedreams. Know your current reality and then develop a standard of practice that will enable you to change and grow. The freedom to change is there, as Nike says, “Just do it!” 

Consider this: as a citizen of the United States we have more freedom than most others around the world.

We are guaranteed our freedom by our founding fathers in the constitution.  Take a moment and simply read what they said: 

“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”

Read it again!  Think about it. Now, read it once more and meditate on what this statement says to you.  You have freedom, you decide.  You may pursue happiness!

Yes, in the United States we can elect to choose what life will look like —nobody tells us, we pick.  If we’re not happy we can change. 

However with the freedom to change also comes personal responsibility.  All of us who have raised children know that.  I remember Mother saying, “Carolyn, you have no one to blame but yourself”, when I made a poor choice in personal responsibility.

Responsibility leads to methods, methods lead to practices and practices are work.

This is not easy, it takes time.  I often tell the staff, “There are no instant gardens.”

However until you take the time and develop a personal standard of practice with specific steps, and achievable action plans, you’ll stay the same.

Over the years I’ve learned what I call the principal of a “plumb line”.  

A plumb line hangs from the ceiling and is always straight---it is a standard by which decorators hang wall paper.  A plumb line is accurate (my husband, Ken taught me that).  It is a specific step a person should have in place before you start a project.  A plumb line is straight regardless of what the wall looks like, always! 

The weight (“those truths we know to be self-evident”) at the bottom of the line (our personal standard of practice) grant us opportunities (life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness).

It works for me!  Talk to you next week!

The Road to Change

In 2001, Jim Collins published that famous book “Good to Great”.  The now classic business book talks about how and why some companies excel and others fail. 

Leadership reading is a passion of mine, so I read the book.

Upon reading and studying the book I was enlightened to the idea that these same principles Jim applied to businesses could apply to me.

Maybe you’ve never thought of “Good to Great” as applying to yourself.  However, I challenge you to read this blog post and think again:  http://www.yannickvandenbos.com/hedgehog-concept-the-three-circles

Yannick explains how Jim’s three concepts intersect and then talks about how to apply the theory personally.  Think about it, why are some people simply good and others great?

Back to Jim Collins book, “Good to Great”, which by the way, I read in 2002. 

I looked at the “brutal facts” of my life.  Here are just a few:

• Fact 1 – My thinking was stale.
• Fact 2-My family was not a priority
• Fact 3-My health was out of control

I’ve got to admit, the “brutal facts” looked grim.  Yet Mr. Collins’ book made sense. 

I wanted to change and I knew that for me change was going to be hard.  I needed to be held accountable.   With the help of a personal coach I began the long process of reframing my thinking, my actions and as a result the outcome of my life.

It is interesting to me how our computer brains work, bringing forward information stored for years at just the right time. Early on,  I was reminded of a VBS children’s song, “One Day at a Time”.

“One day at a time, only one day at a time.  That is the way the Lord will lead you, one day at a time, take that one day carefully, and walk that one day prayerfully, this is the way to victory, one day at a time.”

That first year, I learned to write a life statement.  I read and studied the “how to” develop and implement SMART goals; and I began to learn how hold myself accountable my “self-proclaimed” life purpose.

Oh yeah, a real good study on Google is SMART goals. They’re simple to talk about, however not easy to consistently implement.

Twelve years later there are concepts I am beginning to understand.  Maybe I should have understood them at 49, however I did not.  It is interesting to me how very little we learn in school.  We’ll talk later!

So What Changed?

Last week’s post was fun, and you responded. Several  asked, “Carolyn, what changed?

Call it outlook, attitude, mindset, viewpoint, standpoint, posture, paradigm,  my bearings—all  of those apply.

Life, I’ve come to understand is a “crazy cycle”.  We get up, go through our day, go home, cook dinner, do laundry, interact with the family, go to bed and get up the next day,  to the same old thing.  We live Bill Murray’s life from “Ground Hog’s Day”.

Physically I could lose 50-60lbs - I knew that.  I would gain it back, I knew that, then I’d lose it again.  CRAZY!

I read great books and have learned some grand concepts. “Rich Dad, Poor Day”,  “Left Brain Thinking in a Right Brain World”. Classics like “7 Habits of Highly Effective People”; "Think & Grow Rich”; “How to Win Friends & Influence People” .  All these books have very impressive ideas. All you need to do is drink the Kool Aid and life’s perfect.  Then your motivation wanes you miss one day and ----

You get the picture!

There was no heart attack, stroke, traumatic loss, nothing ghastly happened. I simply reached a point  in life where I understood, “nothing changes when nothing changes”.

Change is hard, really hard.  Staying on track is a moment by moment decision, even to this day.  A book I recently read touts that 60 days is all it takes to form a habit. Not a problem!  Don’t believe it, change is an act of the will, and I can’t speak for you, but I have a very stubborn will.  I was 49 years old when I made a conscious decision to change my thinking. So anything short of 49 years is a blessing for me when it comes to the redevelopment process.  

So, here’s what I did to expedited my internal computer:

I hired a coach, a mentor, some would say an accountability partner! Yes, someone not emotionally attached to me and it cost money. 

I’ve learned I need help to in a world of constant change.  There were and are modifications I did and still consider. Someone needed to ask the tough questions and hold me accountable to my responses. 

I’ll never forget the first thing Coach Joy had me account for. It was my current reality.

And, oh by the way, there are no pat answers with a coach. Coaches don’t want to hear what the book says, they simply want to know what you are willing to do.

I picked where we started. I developed a life statement, I formulated the action plan, I implemented the specific steps. Joy held me accountable to my change process.

Yes, the first plan took a year and there was not a lot of physical change. 

I love what Jim Collins says in the book,  “Good to Great”.  Face the “brutal facts”.

Simple, not easy!  We’ll talk more next week.