So What Changed?

Last week’s post was fun, and you responded. Several  asked, “Carolyn, what changed?

Call it outlook, attitude, mindset, viewpoint, standpoint, posture, paradigm,  my bearings—all  of those apply.

Life, I’ve come to understand is a “crazy cycle”.  We get up, go through our day, go home, cook dinner, do laundry, interact with the family, go to bed and get up the next day,  to the same old thing.  We live Bill Murray’s life from “Ground Hog’s Day”.

Physically I could lose 50-60lbs - I knew that.  I would gain it back, I knew that, then I’d lose it again.  CRAZY!

I read great books and have learned some grand concepts. “Rich Dad, Poor Day”,  “Left Brain Thinking in a Right Brain World”. Classics like “7 Habits of Highly Effective People”; "Think & Grow Rich”; “How to Win Friends & Influence People” .  All these books have very impressive ideas. All you need to do is drink the Kool Aid and life’s perfect.  Then your motivation wanes you miss one day and ----

You get the picture!

There was no heart attack, stroke, traumatic loss, nothing ghastly happened. I simply reached a point  in life where I understood, “nothing changes when nothing changes”.

Change is hard, really hard.  Staying on track is a moment by moment decision, even to this day.  A book I recently read touts that 60 days is all it takes to form a habit. Not a problem!  Don’t believe it, change is an act of the will, and I can’t speak for you, but I have a very stubborn will.  I was 49 years old when I made a conscious decision to change my thinking. So anything short of 49 years is a blessing for me when it comes to the redevelopment process.  

So, here’s what I did to expedited my internal computer:

I hired a coach, a mentor, some would say an accountability partner! Yes, someone not emotionally attached to me and it cost money. 

I’ve learned I need help to in a world of constant change.  There were and are modifications I did and still consider. Someone needed to ask the tough questions and hold me accountable to my responses. 

I’ll never forget the first thing Coach Joy had me account for. It was my current reality.

And, oh by the way, there are no pat answers with a coach. Coaches don’t want to hear what the book says, they simply want to know what you are willing to do.

I picked where we started. I developed a life statement, I formulated the action plan, I implemented the specific steps. Joy held me accountable to my change process.

Yes, the first plan took a year and there was not a lot of physical change. 

I love what Jim Collins says in the book,  “Good to Great”.  Face the “brutal facts”.

Simple, not easy!  We’ll talk more next week. 

Just Little Changes Over Time

Daily quiet time enables me to stay grounded and grow personally.  I am so very lucky I have a spouse, family, and staff who understand that.

 
This year I added reading to my five year daily “quiet time” habit. Right  now I am digesting a book my son, Cory recommended entitled, “Myths to Live By”.

The classic work is a look at Joseph Campbell’s personal life philosophy. His work actually intensifies for me just how dramatically my personal faith has grown and how much  has changed in the past 15 years.

Everything has changed for me.  The way I look, the way I process  information, my emotional stamina even my relationship with others.  Ask anyone who really “knows me” and they will tell you, “there are some huge changes.” 

When I think about it, you know, I’d love others to be wiser than me.

That being said, listen to the words of “The Teacher”,  King Solomon, a very wise man from the Bible.  In chapter 12 of Ecclesiastes he says:

1 Don't let the excitement of youth cause you to forget your Creator. Honor him in your youth before you grow old and no longer enjoy living. 2 It will be too late then to remember him, when the light of the sun and moon and stars is dim to your old eyes, and there is no silver lining left among the clouds. 3 Your limbs will tremble with age, and your strong legs will grow weak. Your teeth will be too few to do their work, and you will be blind, too. 4 And remember Him before the door of life’s opportunities is closed and the sound of work fades.  Now you rise at the first chirping of the birds, but then all their sounds will grow faint, 5 You will be afraid of heights and of falling, white-haired and withered, dragging along without any sexual desire. You will be standing at death's door. And as you near your everlasting home, the mourners will walk along the streets. 6 Yes, remember your Creator now while you are young, before the silver cord of life snaps and the golden bowl is broken. Don't wait until the water jar is smashed at the spring and the pulley is broken at the well. 7 For then the dust will return to the earth, and the spirit will return to God who gave it.  

Personal change is huge! It takes commitment and time.

Attached to today’s blog are two pictures. The first was taken in San Francisco, I believe the  year was 2002.  This is the woman my children called Mom.  The second was taken at the office this week. She’s  the one I want my grandchildren to remember.

 

 

 



San Francisco 2002



May 2014

 

What Should You Work on Changing?

Gary Keller calls it, “The One Thing”

Jim Collins says its’ a “Hedgehog Concept”

Chip Heath and Dan Heath talk about it in their book “Switch---How to Change Things When Change Is Hard.”

This week’s question is, “Do you know what you should work on changing?” 

Last week I posed the question, “Are you busy or productive?” I challenged you to simply set one hour aside over the weekend and consider the question. Even if you thought, “Hey, that’s a good idea!” (This, by the way, statistics say would be 1 or 2 of you.) My guess is none of you actually took the time to sit down and complete the exercise. 

It is interesting; in yet another book I read recently on a trip, I learned that 95% of us once we graduate from school simply do not change our thinking. We stop considering the who, the what, the why. We are simply too busy living.

Maybe you’re thinking: “Carolyn, I really was busy this past weekend, I’ll do it next weekend.”  Guess what? Next weekend will come around and you’ll still be busy. We live very fast paced lives and change is very, very difficult.

Here in the United States I believe life’s biggest struggle is our “stinkin thinkin”. If you want to change, you have to stop and change your thinking! 

Go with me here: we plan vacations, we plan our children’s weddings; we plan our wardrobe, we plan  going to the grocery store so we have food to eat; and we plan to pay our bills, so we have air conditioning in the summer. If we consider ourselves good parents or grandparents, we plan time with the kids. We plan everything. We simply do not plan life. We’re holding out for a big break!

Big breaks don’t last! Lottery winners lose the money!! There are more losers on “America’s Got Talent” than winners!!!

Life’s little changes last.  Oh, just one more statistic: little changes implemented 60 days in a row create  habits.  Habits stick.

Habits take work, time, and discipline. 

So I am going to challenge you again this week. Plan one (1) hour this weekend for an appointment with yourself and ask these two questions: 

1.       Am I busy or productive?

2.       What should I work on  changing?

Last week’s offer is still on the table.  If you’d to like get some help, thinking the questions through---I’m here.  Simply email me at chubbard@azgat.com

Good luck. The process is very simple; however this will be the hardest thing you’ve ever done in your life.

Are you productive or simply busy?

I am a child of the 1960’s decade.  I was born in 1952.  As a child my family moved a lot.  By the time high school graduation rolled around we had lived in Oregon, Texas, Arizona, California, and Georgia.

Dad said Mother wanted to live on the beach In Oregon so she could walk the beach during the winter storms and pick up Japanese floats.  (For those of you not familiar with the Oregon coast people die doing this).

 I remember my childhood as trips to Disneyland, 7 times one summer, and we did not live in California.  Mother and I drove a convertible across Texas, New Mexico, and Arizona one summer time with the top down, because she did not want to disappoint me.  In the sixth grade, Dad took me shopping for all new wool miniskirts; they were the thing to wear.  I lived in Georgia during the Cuban missile crisis.  Long hair, peace signs and protests were all a part of the life I knew.
I also remember, walking home from school, being greeted at the front door by Mother with a plate of hot fresh baked chocolate cookies and milk.  She would sit with us for hours as we talked through our day.

We’d watch “Leave it to Beaver”, “Father Knows Best”, “My Three Sons”, “The Lone Ranger”, “and The Donna Reed Show”.  However one of my favorite shows was “The Jetsons”.   One afternoon I thought, “When I grow up life is going to be so easy!”   I’ll get two robots who can sweep all the crumbs off the floors.  I will only have to push a button for hot chocolate.

Well I grew up, and there are no robots to vacuum floors and you can push a button go to get a cup of hot chocolate, coffee, tea, soup any number of things.  However life is not easy.

Today’s schedules are jam packed.

The alarm goes off somewhere between 5 and 6.  You roll out of bed, shower, shave, brush teeth, blow dry hair, and put on makeup.  Oh yes, get dressed.  Now, wake up the kids, get them dressed, make lunches---forget about making the bed you’re just going to crawl back into it tonight.  Out the door, grab that protein shake; and drink it in the car.

Now it’s time to drop the kids off at school, or day care,  and get to work.  Where you’ll answer the 50 emails that have arrived overnight and then the phones start ringing at 8:01.  There are files, conference calls, lunch at the desk…you get the picture.  Life is simply crazy!

Once you leave work the day doesn’t stop.  Remember to check in with your spouse.  Ask the critical questions, “Who is stopping by the grocery store, picking up the kids from practice, and by the way, what time will you be home?”

We do lots of good things. We do talk to our spouse or significant other. We help the children with homework, clean bathrooms, and wash clothes (so everyone has something to wear tomorrow).  There are parents and siblings we communicate with and we will always take the friend phone call.  They just need a minute.

We are very good intentioned.  However, today’s question, “Are you productive or simply busy?”

Here’s the challenge --- take an hour this weekend and make an inventory of where you spend your time.  It’s only one hour!  Are you focusing on productive stuff  (stuff that matters to you) or is busy stuff driving you.

I have said it before, I will say it again, “Nothing changes, when nothing changes”.  It’s a very true statement.  Continue in the same path and ten years I can tell you where you’ll be.  Right where you are.

Should you take up the challenge this weekend?  Let me know if you do, I’d love to support you!  

The Secret of Life Change

I ran across this article again and thought you might enjoy it.
Click for Coach Greg's Blog.

The Secret of Life Change

 

Beliefs are critical. They are usually the place where people get stuck in changing they're lives. We've had clients over the years believe that they are unable to experience life change. Why? Simply because of a few misguided, but crucial false beliefs.

Beliefs, positive or negative, become a self-fulfilling reality. And so it's essential that we examine the beliefs we hold to achieve the life change we want. Life change is more than behavior modification. It begins with what we believe about our abilities and opportunities. There's a simple formula to life change that is applicable to virtually everyone:

Belief + Action = Life Change

The formula for  life change is simple but making it work is what's challenging. We all have road blocks in our lives and we're not sure what steps to take toward changing them. The first step to change begins with allowing ourselves to see the areas of our life that need improvement. Once we clearly see the areas in our lives that need change we can get to work on removing our limiting false beliefs to ensure we grow.

Releasing false beliefs and embracing truth releases us from harmful behavior, opening the door to new possibilities.

Our false beliefs must be addressed right away. When we understand that beliefs trigger certain behaviors, we can change them and alter our behavior. If we have a problem with fear, we can engage our logic and determine to confront our fears rather than allow it to cripple us. We all can eliminate false beliefs if we are willing to confront them.

But how Greg? How do we start? Here are 5 principles for Life Change that we recommend:

1. Get started. Start confronting false beliefs and choose positive steps towards growth.

2. Use logic, truth and faith. Logically examine the false and limiting beliefs in your life and choose to believe truth and practice faith instead.

3. Improve as you go. Measure progress and be realistic about expectations.

4. Practice. Practice doesn't make perfect, it makes permanent. Keep believing and doing the right things and you will see progress.

5. Celebrate success. As you experience positive change - reward yourself.

But what if we try this process and still get stuck? Sometimes we do. Beliefs can be like the root systems of a tree. They run deep and wide and can take some serious effort to shake loose. My suggestion is to ask for help. Maybe that's a close friend, accountability partner or a coach. Keep applying our recommendations in this post. Lastly, check your expectations. We all want microwave results, but true life change is earned over time. Keep at it, it works! I promise! 

Life change is about removing barriers. It's about taking charge of what we allow to define our lives. Are you sick of feeling stuck in your excuses? Is it time to engage with the power of renewal and to finally give up those false beliefs? At Coachwell, we're here for you. Give us a call for a free consultation at 541.728.0601 with a life coach today!

To your excellence,

Coach Greg

The Heart of Texas

This past weekend Ken and I flew to Texas, and stepped back into “Southern Hospitality” as we celebrated yet another Hubbard family wedding.

You know since January,  I‘ve learned  there’s a lot to be said for “non traditional” weddings. 

Karen and Steve tied the knot at “Villa Sienna” here in Gilbert just two months go. While, Cory and Lori wedded at  “The McKinney Bed & Breakfast”  in McKinney, Texas.

Our weekend was astonishing!

According to their website, Vicki describes this historic rendezvous:

 “I was born in 1890.  I was what they called a shotgun house. When I was 70 years old, in the 1950s, I grew into a bigger house with a den and a real kitchen. And then, in the 1980's (Yeah, I was 100!) someone placed a big ole hat on me and made me two stories! “

Maybe you are unaware, but I grew up in Texas.  I still put my hand over my heart when I hear “Deep in the Heart of Texas”.  Texans still say:

·         “May I get that door for you.” 

·         “Yes, I would love a glass of water, thank you.”

·          “I am soooooooooo sorry, I did not see you!”

I love “Texas Southern Hospitality”.

Simply put “ Texas Southern Hospitality” is true etiquette .  Mother used to say, “Good manners count, and people notice.” 

In McKinney, the entire community cared.  Shopkeepers, the day spa, the staff at Massage Envy and Rick’s Chophouse (our dinner spot) asked about where we were staying, and if everything was ok. People were kind, generous, and grateful.

Vicki, stayed up late and got up early.  Wayne served coffee, and refilled water glasses.  They provided  for our needs, but also often  things we never considered: fresh baked biscotti served upstairs every morning before breakfast.

The Texas generosity made our entire weekend a grand retreat!  I came away from the excursion with a renewed sense that manners do matter.  Good manners in today’s world are really welcomed by all.

Thank you Vicki, Wayne and McKinney, Texas  for allowing us to celebrate in  your home.
Visit their website: www.mckinneybedandbreakfast.com

 

Purpose and Timing

This morning I was reminded of the 1962  Byrd’s song, Turn, Turn, Turn::

“To everything , (Turn, Turn, Turn)

There is a season (Turn, Turn, Turn)

 And a time to every purpose under Heaven”.

Before today I had also reflected on the message in this song as I read page 45 of Robert Gates book, “Duty”.  He  talks about a tough time for the nation.

To quote him, “Despite the president’s (George Bush) always-confident public posture, by spring 2006 I believe he already knew the strategy in Iraq was not working ….The commanders were set on transition…. After confirmation, … I first spoke my mind during a private breakfast on December 12 …"This is the time.  What kind of country (life) do you want? Do you want a country (balanced life)?  Chaos (trouble/stress) is the alternative.”  (the words in parentheses are mine)

Not sure what made me stop and reflect about my life that morning or what prompted the old Byrd’s song in my head today.  But I did and it’s there.  Remember there’s:

 

A time to be born, a time to die
A time to plant, a time to reap
A time to kill, a time to heal
A time to laugh, a time to weep

Chorus

A time to build up a time to break down
A time to dance, a time to mourn
A time to cast away stones, a time to gather stones together

Chorus

A time of love, a time of hate
A time of war, a time of peace
A time you may embrace, a time to refrain from embracing

Chorus

A time to gain, a time to lose
A time to rend, a time to sew
A time for love, a time for hate
A time for peace, I swear it's not too late

 

WOW---purpose and timing. Daily I need to prepare for a balanced life or stress/trouble will occur. Timing is everything. Remember the Byrd’s:   “I swear it’s not too late:”